Critique of The Sky Throne By Shelley Watters

I was honored to have Shelley Watters critique my pitch and first 150 words for The Sky Throne. Here are her comments:


Name: Christopher S. Ledbetter
Title: The Sky Throne
Genre: YA Fantasy
Word count: 85,200

Pitch: In order to become powerful enough to avenge an attack on his family, Zeus must access the power of The Sky Throne. But, doing so might kill him in the process.

Shelley's Comments: Great, powerful pitch here. 

Excerpt:

The distance between darkness and light was a nano-moment, my mother once told me. A sliver of space. The breadth of a strand of hair. I hadn’t known what she’d meant until that day. And still wished I hadn’t.

Shelley's Comments: I love this opening paragraph. However, that said, I've heard that you shouldn't open a YA with mentioning the protagonist's parents. But I really do love this.

I trudged up the darkened beach, digging my toes in the sand with each step. Visions of pearl-skinned sea nymphs still danced in my head. Their iridescent eyes and seductive charms made me smile.

"C’mon, Zeus" Anytos called, throwing a stick at my feet.

I held a finger in the air.

"Zeus, seriously." He clapped his hands.

"Wait. Hold on." I closed my eyes to enjoy the images of those sea nymphs. Just a moment longer.

"Zeus!" His words sliced sideways through my memories of them. "Sun’s nearly up. We don’t have much time!" Tos stood at the top of a dune, calling down.

I sighed. “I’m coming.”

Shelley's Comments: I have nothing to critique for this. I loved the opening scene. Other than starting with the mc's parent thing (which, even though that's the advice, I still like it as-is). Great writing, beautiful description. Great job Chris! 

Can You Hit A Perfect Pitch? Blogfest Entry

Eucharisto, or Thank you to the illustrious Brenda Drake over at Brenda Drake Writes... for hosting this awesomesauce Can You Hit The Perfect Pitch? Blogfest. Agent, Ammi-Joan Paquette will be judging our entries which consist of:
-a two sentence (35 word mx) pitch
-First 150 words of the manuscript


Do click the link above to view the other entries.


So... here is my entry:


Title: The Sky Throne
Genre: YA Fantasy
Word Count: 82,500


Pitch: When Zeus is uprooted from his home to attend a school for gods-in-training, he's drawn into a dangerous world where he'll have to battle Gods and negotiate with Goddesses to save the school.

The distance between darkness and light was a nano-moment, my mother once told me. A sliver of space. The breadth of a strand of hair. I hadn’t known what she’d meant until that day. And still wished I hadn’t.

I trudged up the darkened beach, digging my toes in the sand with each step. Visions of pearl-skinned sea nymphs still danced in my head. Their iridescent eyes and seductive charms made me smile.

"C’mon, Zeus" Anytos called, throwing a stick at my feet.

I held a finger in the air.

"Zeus, seriously!" He clapped his hands once loudly. 

"Wait. Hold on." I closed my eyes to enjoy the images of those sea nymphs. Just a splinter of time more.

"Zeus!" His words sliced sideways through my memories of them. "Sun’s nearly up. We don’t have much time!" Tos stood at the top of a dune calling down.

     I sighed. “I’m coming.”

Agent Pitch Contest

The YAtopia Blog and Super agent Ammi-Joan Paquette have so kindly offered to host a pitch contest. And seeing as she's currently closed to submissions, this is an opportunity you simply CANNOT miss out on.
It's really quite simple what you have to do. Ready?

Go straight to the YAtopia blog *right now* and enter.

TUESDAY TIDBITS: What's Your Best Pitch?

I know that for many of you, the question above is colored by MLB's "Hunt for October." Images of Nolan Ryan, Randy Johnson, and Pedro Martinez (pictured below) come to mind. I certainly understand... 'tis the season, after all!

But, I am not talking about heaters, sliders, change-ups,  breaking balls, or knuckle balls. I am talking about Pitching Your Story to an agent or editor. It's likely more nerve wracking than standing on the mound as Albert Pujols walks to the plate with 2 outs. An MLB pitcher has a stable of pitches at his disposal, not to mention three strikes to get you out.

When you pitch to an agent or editor you have ONE (1) chance to make an impression. Sound daunting...? It is!

Never fear, though, I have found three very sound posts that helped me distill my pitch. Hopefully they can help you as well.

How To Write A One Sentence Pitch

How To Write The One Sentence, One Paragraph, and Two Paragraph Pitch

11 Questions For Crafting A Pitch

I am participating in a pitch contest over at Market My Words and here is my 2 sentence pitch:

"When a prince in ancient Greece is forced by his father to compete in the games that already claimed his brothers' lives, he tangles with a brash competitor who'll stop at nothing to win. The prince's biggest test comes when he falls for a mysterious local girl at the games who spirals him toward a fight-to-the-death for her hand."

That's what I'm entering, so any comments you all have would be appreciated. By all means, tell me what you think.