Saturday, May 28, 2011

Made of Awesome Critique Contest

Hello all and welcome to The Oracle and The Muse for my entry into this Awesomesauce Contest!

Thank you to Shelley Watters over at Is It Hot In Here Or is it This Book for hosting this contest in which contestants are charged with posting their first 250 words of a finished manuscript in hopes of winning... (drum roll)... a 10 (TEN) Page Critique (and blip on the radar) from Judith Engracia, agent with Liza Dawson And Associates.

Please make sure you click Shelley's link above and visit all the entries and offer any critiques you deem necessary. Since you're here, please critique mine below.

Here is my entry:

Genre: YA Historical Fantasy
Word Count: 62,000

Prince Caenus deflected a thrust from his friend’s sword. Dodging his friend’s advance, Caenus darted between fluted columns near the edge of the otherwise sparse palace courtyard. He sidestepped another advance while retreating several steps, but his friend’s sword point bit into Caenus’ ribcage.  Again.
No matter what he did, Caenus could neither escape his friend’s sword, nor his father’s searing gaze. During a lull in sparring action, the prince shot a brief sidelong glance toward where his father brooded. Disappointment bent the lines on his father’s forehead.
 “I need a strong son to reign when Hades darkens my doorstep!” The king barked. “You can’t beat your friend in a swordfight. You can barely ride a horse. When will you be strong enough to command the military?”
A shaft of sunlight streamed through thickening clouds and onto the royal palace. Kranos remained in the shadows. Studying. Assessing.
Caenus’ best friend and sparring partner cut off the prince’s evasive maneuvers. And again, wood beat against wood. Thrust. Swipe. Swing. Block. Dust rose from the ground in random clouds, kicked up by the rapidly moving feet of the young men. Their sparring swords danced against one another as familiar foes.
 “Is that your best, Caenus?” Galen ducked a half-hearted swing of his friend’s sword. “Is there no more fight in you than this peasant’s display of swordsmanship?” 
Galen knocked the sword from Caenus’ grasp and, with the flick of his wrist, guided the tip of his own sword to Caenus’ throat.