"Show vs. Tell" Blogfest Entry

Thank you for Misty Dawn Waters over at "Writer's Block. Oh Wait... I mean Blog." for hosting this fabulous "Show vs. Tell" Blogfest. The ability to "show" and not "tell" in your story is so important. I actually did an earlier post on this subject (see it here).

In this Blogfest, we were charged with choosing one of the pictures given in her prompt and writing two scenes; one "telling" and one "showing." So below you'll find the picture I chose and my entries. I tried to write the exact same scene with the exact same feel. The first selection is "telling." The second is "showing." Hopefully I've done a good job of illustrating the difference.

Telling:

I walked to the crown of the bridge, my opaque wings extended in the twilight. I waited for my dark angel to come. To rescue me from the restrictive confines of heaven. I felt nervous. After all, I'd risked all to meet him. Then he appeared. His wings flapped menacingly as he descended through the darkened sky to meet me. Wind kicked up my clothes and silvery hair a bit. The look in his eyes made me feel a bit uncomfortable. His feet came to rest just above mine. Close enough to touch the tips of my snow white stilettos.
His eyes looked through me. I felt scared but excited at the same time. He extended his arms, fingers stretching, palms open. I walked into his arms and immediately felt his love. At first, it hurt. But the pain eventually subsided. I returned his embrace, dropping my head to his muscular shoulder. A tear escaped my eye. But, I knew I was safe. I knew I was home.

Showing:

My legs trembled as I inched closer to the crown of the bridge, my opaque wings extended in the twilight. I treaded with trepidation, unsure of my fate. Anxious energy prickled my skin, every nerve ending ignited. I waited nearly long enough to curse my folly in coming, risking everything for a chance at love. A love I wasn't supposed to feel. A love I wasn't supposed to know. Uncertainty gripped my soul, and I began to turn. Then I saw him.
He descended through the darkened sky, filling my vision. His eyes glowed with an unholy, insistent hunger. I knew what he wanted. And I was ready to concede it. His wings flapped menacingly. Short bursts of air swirled off his wings, lifting my clothes, tussling my silvery hair. The closer he drew, warmth curled through me, radiating in concentric circles. He extended his arms, fingers stretching, palms open and his  aura engulfed me. I slipped my arms around him, grabbing the muscular ridges in his back just below his wings. A striking pain sliced through me as his aura consumed mine. I arched my back, inhaling sharply.
Dropping my head to his shoulder, I melted into him. An immediate sense of serenity permeated my skin. Serenity and safety. I exhaled slowly, knowing I'd made the right decision. A tear bubbled at the corner of my eye, and then slowly caressed my cheek.

***
Hope you enjoyed my entry. Please click through the blogfest link above to visit the rest of the entries.

Tuesday Tidbits: "Don't Talk Me To Death! Whatchu Got?"-- Showing vs. Telling

As writers, we've all heard the mantra "Show. Don't Tell." And what that means is to allow the reader to experience the character  through dialogue, actions and behaviors, emotions, thoughts, and senses instead of having the author "tell" how the character is feeling, thinking, acting.

Janet Evanovich has been quoted as saying this on the subject:
"Instead of stating a situation flat out, you want to let the reader discover what you're trying to say by watching a character in action and by listening to his dialogue. Showing brings your characters to life."

I think it's fair to think of "Show. Don't Tell" in terms of a job interview. In a job interview, unless it is on site and you're given specific situations to "show" what you can do, the interviewee is typically sitting across from the interviewer... "telling" what he or she can do.

Even better, think of a high school courtyard, two guys shoulder to shoulder, walking in circles. What are they doing? Mouthing off... "I'm gonna do this!" "I'm gonna do that!" I Hated (yes, that's a capital H) this preamble. I always wanted to yell out... "Don't Talk Me To Death! Whatchu Got? I'm gonna be late to class watching you fools!"

Now, as an author, I could write this scene and "tell" you how angry the guys were. Or how embarrassed Guy A was that Guy B kissed his girl. Or how nervous Guy B was that Guy A was a foot taller than his foe and twice as wide.

Or...

I could describe the biting embarrassment that stung Guy A's eyes every time he glanced at his soon to be ex-girlfriend. How his fists clenched tighter with every abrasive brush of his foes shoulder. How sweat pooled in his tightened palms. How his muscles flinched with each step. How he growled every profane word he could think of. And, how sweat beaded on Guy B's forehead, running into his eyes. How tiny quakes of uncertainty rippled through his body as he silently considered how many pieces his body would be ripped into. But, how he stood up to Guy A because no body else would. And, how the girl's love strengthened his own resolve, because after all she didn't love Guy A anymore. And, how he felt the girl's gaze at his back, powering him into certain massacre, yet for the best cause of all... her hand.

Showing, not telling is one of the best tools a writer can have in their toolbox. And I am happy to say that I am participating in a "Show vs. Tell" Blogfest over at

 

Please join her blogfest and come back on the 15th through the 17th to read my entry.