Saturday, January 15, 2011

"Show vs. Tell" Blogfest Entry


Thank you for Misty Dawn Waters over at "Writer's Block. Oh Wait... I mean Blog." for hosting this fabulous "Show vs. Tell" Blogfest. The ability to "show" and not "tell" in your story is so important. I actually did an earlier post on this subject (see it here).

In this Blogfest, we were charged with choosing one of the pictures given in her prompt and writing two scenes; one "telling" and one "showing." So below you'll find the picture I chose and my entries. I tried to write the exact same scene with the exact same feel. The first selection is "telling." The second is "showing." Hopefully I've done a good job of illustrating the difference.


Telling:

I walked to the crown of the bridge, my opaque wings extended in the twilight. I waited for my dark angel to come. To rescue me from the restrictive confines of heaven. I felt nervous. After all, I'd risked all to meet him. Then he appeared. His wings flapped menacingly as he descended through the darkened sky to meet me. Wind kicked up my clothes and silvery hair a bit. The look in his eyes made me feel a bit uncomfortable. His feet came to rest just above mine. Close enough to touch the tips of my snow white stilettos.
His eyes looked through me. I felt scared but excited at the same time. He extended his arms, fingers stretching, palms open. I walked into his arms and immediately felt his love. At first, it hurt. But the pain eventually subsided. I returned his embrace, dropping my head to his muscular shoulder. A tear escaped my eye. But, I knew I was safe. I knew I was home.

Showing:

My legs trembled as I inched closer to the crown of the bridge, my opaque wings extended in the twilight. I treaded with trepidation, unsure of my fate. Anxious energy prickled my skin, every nerve ending ignited. I waited nearly long enough to curse my folly in coming, risking everything for a chance at love. A love I wasn't supposed to feel. A love I wasn't supposed to know. Uncertainty gripped my soul, and I began to turn. Then I saw him.
He descended through the darkened sky, filling my vision. His eyes glowed with an unholy, insistent hunger. I knew what he wanted. And I was ready to concede it. His wings flapped menacingly. Short bursts of air swirled off his wings, lifting my clothes, tussling my silvery hair. The closer he drew, warmth curled through me, radiating in concentric circles. He extended his arms, fingers stretching, palms open and his  aura engulfed me. I slipped my arms around him, grabbing the muscular ridges in his back just below his wings. A striking pain sliced through me as his aura consumed mine. I arched my back, inhaling sharply.
Dropping my head to his shoulder, I melted into him. An immediate sense of serenity permeated my skin. Serenity and safety. I exhaled slowly, knowing I'd made the right decision. A tear bubbled at the corner of my eye, and then slowly caressed my cheek.

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Hope you enjoyed my entry. Please click through the blogfest link above to visit the rest of the entries.