It's been a while since I participated in a Blogfest and I'm glad to be back on the circuit with a new WIP.
So here's my entry:
The distance between darkness and light was a nano-moment, my mother once told me. A sliver of space. The breadth of a strand of hair. I hadn’t known what she’d meant until that day. And still wished I hadn’t.
Earlier that morning, I trudged back up a darkened beach, digging my toes in with each step. Visions of pearl-skinned sea nymphs still danced in my head and I smiled.
“C’mon, Zeus,” Anytos called.
I held a finger in the air.
"Zeus, seriously," he insisted.
"Wait. Hold on." I closed my eyes to enjoy the images of the sea nymphs. Just a moment more.
"Zeus!" He sliced sideways through my memories. “Sun’s nearly up. We don’t have much time!” Tos stood at the top of a dune calling down.
“I’m coming.”
Life had been easy. All except the pre-dawn runs every morning. Hated them. I couldn’t wait to get back to the goats I tended with my mother. Against her wishes, I’d named each one. That’s why she never let me slaughter them for food. Or rather, why I never participated.
There was nothing too terribly stressful about goat herding. They were a self-sufficient lot. Sometimes watching them was like watching the sun crawl across the sky. And, it had been in those moments that my mind wandered.
I’d always felt like I could do more. Be more. Something inside of me clawed for the extraordinary. Yet I had to face that I’d likely never leave Crete.
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Very interesting beginning. You say your MC is fifteen, and I think that matches the voice pretty well.
ReplyDeleteI really love your descriptions. I was actually going to guess a little older. Oh well. Good luck. :)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I would have thought younger than 15. Like, 13-ish.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say about 13 till I saw that you have put the age at the end :/
ReplyDeleteI was also going to say older, like around 18-19.
ReplyDeleteHey, no point guessing as you've told us, tsk, tsk. I loved the extract.
ReplyDeleteDenise
I echo Denise's sentiments—we're supposed to guess. =) As for the excerpt, I'm intrigued by the setting, but 'nano-moment' made me think sci-fi, so it was a bit confusing at the beginning. I might cut the whole opening paragraph, because it has a gimmicky feel—I'd rather just jump into the story as a reader, instead of being told something bad's going to happen, then shown as you proceed with the story. Maybe let that foreboding sink into the present narration, without the telling paragraph, so I can feel that without being told to feel it. Just my thoughts, hope I could be of help! Good job, and good luck! =)
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought he was older, like full adult, but then he mentioned his mother and my guess went down. I'm going with 18.
ReplyDeleteUm, well, depending on your genre I guess this guy could actually be immortal--at first, I was thinking that he was The Zeus, who decided to try out human life for some reason or another.
ReplyDeleteBut reading the rest I supposed I'm probably not right about that assumption. So...17?
Btw, I'm following you now :) My blog partner and I are both really into classics. (She does Greek and I do Latin.)
He seems like he's right at the edge of self awareness, so I'm thinking 15 or 16. He's still far away enough from realization.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to guess an exact age, but I'm thinking anywhere from 14 to 17. I like the imagery in the beginning a lot. The pearl-skinned sea nymphs. I also loved it that he named the goats. So cute, and that definitely shows that he's younger. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey, still trying to get around to everyone's blog even though the contest is over. Great piece! I'd say 17?
ReplyDeleteP.S. Cool blog. New follower alert.